


Ivory Keys

by drabblesinthemoonlight



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Feels, F/M, Faerie Tony, Female Tony Stark, Fluff and Angst, Not Beta Read, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, There's some smut, Toni's a fuckin tank, Tony Feels, Until she does, also mythology is a bit screwy, changling au, implied off screen death, she just doesn't know it, throwing canon to the wind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-09-14 08:32:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16909626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drabblesinthemoonlight/pseuds/drabblesinthemoonlight
Summary: There's a decrepit house on Bucky's street. He doesn't know much about it except there's a girl who lives there. He's never seen her but he's heard the way she plays the piano.





	1. Introduction: Silhouette

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Devouring of Hearts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16176539) by [RayShippouUchiha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayShippouUchiha/pseuds/RayShippouUchiha). 



There’s a girl who lives in the house down the street.

Bucky’s seen her silhouette in the illuminated window on the highest floor.

Only her silhouette.

The house has been abandoned for years, he knows this because of all the ghost stories about it.

How it sinks into the earth waiting for Mother Nature to reclaim it.

Saw the cobwebs and broken floorboards when he was dared to explore the place. The rot and smell were worth it for the money.

Bucky has heard the music booming from it when walking home from school.

The winter days making him walk home in the dark, he used to sprint by so he wouldn’t feel the eyes on him.

However, since she’s appeared he feels more drawn to the place where the shadows scuttle to.

Wants to climb the ivy woven wall to see her. To hear the way the piano notes vibrate the floor.

But that’s invading privacy and creepy quite frankly.

So instead he slows his pace when he passes, despite how thin his winter coat is.

Strains an ear until he can’t anymore.

When the weather grows warmer, he sits under her window and listens while he works through his homework.

Bucky tries to drag Steve to the house but while Steve has the patience for sketching he doesn’t have an ear for music.

So Bucky sits alone most of the time and hums along to pieces he likes especially. She plays those ones most frequently as if she can hear him from so far away. Steve occasionally joins with a pad of paper and a pencil.

Between the scratch of the pencil on paper and her melodies, Bucky is at ease.

~~

She’s never outside of the house when he’s around.

To be fair Bucky doesn’t have the courage to knock on the door.

What’s he supposed to do? Show up with flowers and say:

‘I’ve been listening to you play for months and I thought this was the right time to introduce myself?’

She’d slam the door on his face for sure.

Then she stops playing, he spends afternoons straining an ear for even a note but there’s nothing. He gets worried about someone he doesn’t even know.

Eventually, Bucky forgets to even think about it. He needs to work, has no time for music or flowers.

He has his sisters and his mother to support.

He has to drop out of school.

Takes work where he can, it’s so difficult to find. He picks things up where he can, becomes a jack of all trades.

He grows frustrated and snappish from it all and Bucky doesn’t want to be!

But it’s so hard when he feels like he’s being pulled in every which direction. 

~~~

He’s walking back from a shift when he hears it again. Something new, with more depth, something infinitesimally different. Sadder and heavy. Bucky feels the draw to the sound all over again. 

Bucky’s too tired to care about space. He trudges up the creaky porch and knocks. 

The music stops abruptly and the silence is deafening. He’s about to turn around and forget he even tried when the door opens. 

There are bags under her eyes which gives away how many nights she been sleeping lately. 

“What,” she asks flatly. 

There’s a moment where Bucky panics, so of course what he says isn’t the best that’s been heard. 

“You sounded lonely,” he responds. 

The woman quirks a brow, clearly unamused. 

“Was just wondering if you needed company,” he tacks on. 

She looks as wrong footed as Bucky feels. 

“Sure,” she answers. 

Then she looks surprised that the words came out of her mouth. He belatedly extends a hand, was probably the first thing he should’ve done. She takes it and her hand is soft but cold. 

“I’m Bucky.” 

“Toni.”


	2. Introduction: The Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He comes by every Sunday, Toni keeps track of it. He says he slips out of church at the earliest opportunity to see her.  
> Which is an oddity. Nobody’s ever wanted to see Toni before. Not even the woman who raised her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: minor character death

He comes by every Sunday, Toni keeps track of it. He says he slips out of church at the earliest opportunity to see her.

Which is an oddity. Nobody’s ever wanted to see Toni before. Not even the woman who raised her.

Toni knew a decrepit place like this wouldn’t draw anyone’s attention. Anyone except Bucky.

And what a peculiar name that is. Although it’s quite fitting for a peculiar boy or, well, man she supposed. Years have passed.

Toni was well aware of that.

Still, Bucky made it better. She remembers when he’d sit in the unkempt grass and listen, him and the blond fellow who never stuck around.

They don’t tend to talk, Toni and Bucky. She plays, he sits against the wall with the peeling paper.

When they do though it’s wonderful. It’s lovely actually talking to someone. Trading facts like gifts back and forth. Toni thinks neither of them have much chance to around others.

So she learns how Bucky loves reading about the future and all types of science. Toni thinks she quite likes science too, the logic behind it if not the way it makes his grey eyes shine.

They don’t lose that lustre when she talks, which is a change. A welcomed one. She talks about the dreams she’s had ever since she was a baby. Of inexplicable things.

“Once I dreamt of trees that whisper and of an old man with a man-eating plant for a friend,” she tells him once, giggling over the memory.

“What did they say?” he asks.

“They told tales of weasels who had a taste for anything purple who would spin silver string for a bowl of cream!”

They’d both laughed and all the strain they had wound in their shoulders and eyes disappeared. She feels like a child, free. She thinks he feels that way too.

~~~

However, it can’t last. Soon her home is filling with frost and cold.

“Why don’t you leave?” he asks through chattering teeth.

Toni brushes a stray raven lock out of her face to delay.

“I promised a friend,” she replies solemnly.

Rhodey.

“Promised him what?” He readjusts his coat.

Huddles closer to her, it can’t be because of warmth. Her body has none.

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?”

“I promised.”

He huffs a frustrated breath but lets it go.

~~~

They touch more and more. It doesn’t feel like an invasion, it feels natural. His hands feel warm and comforting on her stomach, her sides, face. Everywhere. She touches him too and she knows it’s mutual.

He tells her he loves her, a tender look on his face.

She feels guilty for having to ask what ‘love’ is.

He sounds like he’s been physically struck when he asks why she doesn’t know.

~~~

The tips of his ears are pink when he explains.

“It’s…oh, it’s hard to really say. It’s being completely comfortable with someone? It’s trusting someone with your everything. Someone who doesn’t complete you but -” he looks to his palms as if they have the answer-“it’s more than that. It’s just…”

“More?” She asks, her hands covering his.

“Yeah,” he chuckles nervously,“ feels like you can be more. Be enough to do anything, together.”

His cheeks are rosy, it brings out his eyes.

Toni loves Bucky she knows it.

~~~

Bucky brings the blond around to the house.

The blond is lanky and she feels the need to bundle him up in something. However, she catches sight of the expression on his face and can tell he’s full of vitriol and grief. Bucky and the blond are sullen but Bucky perks when he catches sight of Toni at the piano.

She stands and is astounded by the impact of Bucky when he holds her. It’s like all he’s been holding on his shoulders slinks away. After a few moments of being, he pulls away awkwardly.

Goes onto say how he shouldn’t be the one needing comfort when Steve's – he trails off. Steve hunches in on himself even more and – Oh.

His mother.

Bucky mentioned being worried before and – God.

It doesn’t matter if they don’t know each other, Toni moves to Steve and just tries to impart as much comfort as she can.

She’s been more liberal with touches since she met Bucky.

Made sense since she’d only ever really seen Bucky.

Steve’s clearly surprised but relaxes into it.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Toni says quietly.


	3. Rhodey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you want to talk about it?” 
> 
> He rests a hand on hers, hoping it’s comforting. Her hand flexes under his as she mulls it over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: minor character death

There’s a gravestone in the backyard. It’s crooked and misshapen, leaning against the uneven fencing. The patch of grass around it is the healthiest in the yard. Obviously cared for. 

Bucky doesn’t know who it belongs to, he’s just seen it through the window. Toni doesn’t talk about it, but sometimes her eyes linger on where it can be seen. When she does she looks like she did when Bucky met her. 

It’s during one of these instances that he brings it up. 

“Whose stone is that?” he asks quietly. 

She freezes and Bucky feels awful for asking. Her face is drawn as if she’s in pain. 

“A friend’s,” she responds. 

His stomach drops, he can’t imagine having to go through something like that. 

“I’m sorry I asked.” 

“No, I should’ve brought him up.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

He rests a hand on hers, hoping it’s comforting. Her hand flexes under his as she mulls it over. 

“His name was Rhodey. He was my best friend.” She swallowed. “I loved him.”

The silence is resounding. 

“What happened?” 

“I was gone for too long.” 

“Is that why you stay here?” 

Her head whips around, clearly startled. 

“How did you figure that out?” she asks, panicked. 

“I wouldn’t leave much either if leaving is what got Stevie killed.” 

As soon as the words are out of Bucky’s mouth, he regrets it. Toni looks stricken. Then the tears start flowing, her face is ruddy when she buries her face in his chest, sobbing. He stumbles a few steps back but she clings. He holds her back just as tight. 

“I didn’t mean to,” she pleads, probably with Rhodey. 

“Of course you didn’t,” he responds soothingly. 

It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know the whole story. He can tell it isn’t her fault with the way she mumbles the same words over and over. 

Bucky shouldn’t have asked.


	4. Her Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ivory keys she plays are chipped at the edges and she presses with gentle care.
> 
> The music used to be Toni’s only companion. The only thing echoing in her home beside her voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sure i'm going to add some filler chapters in between to beef this up (and make it have a more natural flow? but until then).

The sheet music is crumpled and yellowing with age and spilt coffee. Some of the notes have been washed out but it doesn’t matter, Toni’s had them memorized for ages.

The ivory keys she plays are chipped at the edges and she presses with gentle care.

The music used to be Toni’s only companion. The only thing echoing her in home beside her voice.

As soon as she could play without looking, as soon as her fingers were able to dance across keys with ease. Her eyes closed she listened and tried to see the story behind the pieces. How tempo could make adrenaline rush and minor notes could make morbid curiosity linger in the back of her mind.

The experience was novel in the way new things always are.

Then it was repetitive. As much as Toni loved every piece playing them as they were intended became more difficult as irritation and then longing and hopelessness bled through.

It isn’t like that anymore. She has more than her music. Toni has more than her loneliness. Toni has her love. Her Bucky.

When she plays it has a new meaning, she can share what she thinks is behind what’s written on the page and he can tell her his!

Gives a perspective that hasn’t been rattling around her consciousness.

He learns to read her and she reads him in kind.

Wraps an arm around her shoulders when she’s silent and remembering things she can’t give voice to no matter how she wants to.

God, she wants to.

“I hope you know I really do love you,” he whispers against her ear, “no matter how much you’re hurting and can’t tell me, I do.”

Toni feels her face warm not from tears or stress but from how sincere Bucky speaks.

“I do,” she means it but it comes out raspy.

He doesn’t point it out. He understands and she doesn’t know how. Still doesn’t know all of him yet.

Doesn’t know how he can tell that jokes are the best way to make Toni feel warm after being drained and having her insides feel scooped out. How soft kisses on her cheeks make her feel what must be butterflies in her stomach.

So, while Toni still loves playing and does it for herself she doesn’t truly depend on the only thing the one who raised her gave her. While Toni made it her own there are more things that are hers. Like the new sheet music and textbooks Bucky snuck her.

Like him.

Her love.


	5. Braiding and the Sixth Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You would look gorgeous with long hair.”

“You would look gorgeous with long hair.”

Bucky startles a little.

“Hm?” he asks.

It’s hard to focus when Toni’s running her hands through his hair.

“I mean, you look gorgeous now, of course. But your hair has this type of wave that would look great with it long,” Toni elaborates.

“Is this a part of some plot so you can braid daisies into my hair?” Bucky asks.

Her hands pause.

“Maybe.”

Bucky snorts.

“It’d just get greasy, doll.”

“Not if you took care of it! And don’t tell me you don’t because I know you do!”

“Toni –”

“If you don’t grow your hair out I will convince Steve to and then I won’t have time to pet you!”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh I would, also Steve’s the best so–”

“The best? I’d like to agree with you however he’d only be the best if he’d stop picking fights–”

“Well at least he’d–”

“Don’t even pretend you don’t encourage him!”

Toni’s laughing so hard she isn’t even making a noise, she’s vibrating. He can feel it from where his head’s pillowed on her lap.

“He’s doing what he believes in!” she chokes out between inaudible peals of laughter.

“And giving me a continuous headache! Not to mention a sixth sense!”

“A what?” she asks incredulously.

“I can just sense whenever he’s in danger I swear to God.”

“Oh my God that’s the best–”

“It’s the worst! Toni! Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not!”

She definitely is. What an ass.

“I hate you,” Bucky declares exasperated.

“Oh but you love me!”

“Definitely not!”

“Infinitesimally! Don’t worry you’re my universe too, Buck.”

She bows her head to kiss him on the cheek.

“Now stop pouting, I have plans!” Toni crows.

He definitely wasn’t pouting though.

Nope.

Definitely –

Yeah he was.

“What type of plans?” He asks and Bucky knows he sounds whiny.

“The best kind, the ones you’ll love,” Toni replied cryptically.

“But that means getting up.”

“How unfortunate for you.”


	6. Their Names and the Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New York in September is warm. Not the type of warm that makes you want to peel your skin off, but the type of warm that’s pleasant with a fresh breeze.

New York in September is warm. Not the type of warm that makes you want to peel your skin off, but the type of warm that’s pleasant with a fresh breeze.

This is the last September Bucky will have in New York.

Hell, it might be his last September, period.

Bucky can’t fool himself into thinking he might be lucky enough.

Why else would they start drafting if people weren’t dying?

Really if he came back would he be the same with the horrors and monstrosities of war carved into his brain?

He’s seen the effects in friends’ fathers from the war before, he’s seen the effects in the men already home because something happened to them while they were overseas.

Something’s just a little off from what they were before.

So, Bucky’s utterly terrified beyond belief with his freshly assigned serial numbers seared in his brain and a date to show up for training.

That didn’t stop him from slipping out of Toni’s bed at the crack of dawn to get assigned. His heart that was hammering in his chest and his brain that wouldn’t stop spewing countless scenarios wouldn’t let him.

Now he doesn’t want to go the apartment he shares with Steve and have to see the look on the face of the one person who wanted to enlist the most when Bucky tells him he was drafted.

Or tell his mom and his sisters.

God he can’t.

Not yet.

So he’s not going there first.

He doesn’t even have to knock, the door’s unlocked. He hears her before he sees her. Her music as always seems to fill Bucky up but it doesn’t alleviate any tension that’s wound itself like a boa constrictor around his lungs and spine.

“Toni?” Bucky calls out.

He winces at how weak he sounds.

The music abruptly stops on a note gone sour.

“Buck?” Toni calls back.

The floorboards above creak with her steps. Toni rushes down the stairs when she catches sight of him.

“What’s wrong?”

He opens his mouth tell her but he just can’t. His face feels hot and there’s the tears, God.

The floorboards look surprisingly clean, then again he and Toni did clean them last Saturday –

Toni’s hands are soft but cold on his cheeks when she tips his face to look at her.

He leans into her touch.

There’s a brief moment where her brows are furrowed and she looks concerned but in the next her face is smoothed of the worried wrinkles.

“What do you need?” she asks.

A few things. A shot of liquid courage or some sort of reassurance that everything will be okay.

There’s really only one thing that can really be done though.

“Hold me?” He asks helplessly.

“Of course, honey.”

She kisses his cheek and leads him up the stairs. Bucky honestly thinks that he wouldn’t have made it up the stairs without her.

Her blouse is soft where his face is pressed to it. His breaths are wet from the tears. Toni keeps her voice at a low murmur and all Bucky is really concentrating on is the rumble of her chest and the way her hand absently pets its way down his spine.

He wants to listen but he’s just so tired and feels himself slipping away. At first into sleep but then the panic of the inevitable seeps through the cracks.

“Can you tell me another one of your dreams?” Bucky forces through the lump in his throat.

Her dreams are one thing for certain that make him stop and stare. It helps Bucky forget about reality for a while.

“Of course, my love,” Toni replies.

She clears her throat.

“On one of my most recent adventures, dating back to last Tuesday it had been a repeating dream. I’m in a forest and I’ve wandered from the trail. Night has fallen, the stars glisten from where they’re visible from the cover of leaves and I can see firelight in the distance. Up until last night, I had just been searching for whoever had lit a torch or lantern but I couldn’t find them. Last night I found a cave, it had torches lighting it’s walls and as I travelled deeper and deeper into the Earth I began to hear chanting.

Then, I reached a door. A steel one that the sound was coming from. I turned the wheel and it clicked, it creaked open revealing what I at first thought was pure light. Slowly, it dimmed and an ethereal being revealed itself to me.

The gown she was wearing was white, it had a tail which I could see was being woven by spiders and mice perched on her shoulders. Her hair was long but held up in a way that reminded me of a Queen.

All this by itself was odd, but the thing that truly struck me was her eyes.

They were just like mine.

I was frozen with fear. Then she spoke with volume that made the world around me shake.

‘The path set for your future is full of suffering,’ she boomed.

'How can it be much harsher than my past?’ I asked.

'History will repeat itself.’

It made my stomach drop, I had a feeling but I had to ask:

'Will others pay the price for my mistakes?’

But she didn’t need to answer.

The guilt curdled like milk. The tremors grew more erratic, I could tell time was running out.

But I needed one last answer.

'You said path set but can I change it?’

'Names hold power. Exchange yours.’

Then there was a ringing that began and I woke up,”

They were quiet for a long moment.

“We should do that,” Bucky mumbles.

“Do what?”

“Exchange names.”

“I thought we already did?”

“Oh honey, if we did you’d make fun of my middle name constantly.”

“Fair enough, but why?”

“Just an indulgence? It’s not that I believe in that really but–”

“No no, I get it. It’s a comfort.”

“Well…James Buchanan Barnes at your service?”

It makes her chuckle, her nose scrunches, she looks even more gorgeous than usual.

“Antonia Evelyn Carbonell.”

“Antonia…that’s oddly poetic?”

“I can’t believe you actually didn’t know! There’s not a lot of names that can be shortened to 'Toni’,” Toni… or would it be Antonia(?) teases.

“Well I knew it wasn’t just 'Toni’.”

“Baby you’re adorable.”

“Well honey your hips are digging into my stomach.”

“Well sweetheart yours are digging into mine too.”

They laugh a little. Her nose scrunches again, and he can really see her freckles.

Cute.

Toni’s just…she makes him.

Makes Bucky forget the world.

Maybe just saying her name where she can’t be will make him feel the same.


	7. The Uniform

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t see me off?” Bucky asks.

Bucky looks delectable in his uniform, this isn’t difficult to admit. However, it is hard for Toni to concentrate on, given the topic at hand.

“You can’t see me off?” Bucky asks.

He’s doing his best impression of a starved puppy begging for a hotdog.

“You know I can’t,” Toni replies, hand running through his hair.

“But I can’t go to the station without being sent off by my best gal!” He sounds incredulous for drama.

She puts a finger to his pouted lips and laughs but not without grief.

“If you can’t go because of that, it’s all the more reason for me to stay.”

“But Doll–” he whines.

She gives him a look.

“–alright fine.”

She kisses his cheek and goes to find the Physics textbook Bucky brought her a few months ago. Before she crosses the threshold what she hears makes her feel slightly guilty.

“Can’t even take you dancing.”

She wasn’t meant to hear it, she knows that. She pauses, takes a deep breath and walks on.

Maybe when he comes home she’ll be able to go dancing with him?


	8. Mournful Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lips on lips, hands on hips. His warmth around her, inside of her. Huffed moist breath. An ache no matter how careful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where the smut comes in. With a little bit of angst.

Lips on lips, hands on hips. His warmth around her, inside of her. Huffed moist breath. An ache no matter how careful.

Purple on her throat, purple on his. Ruddy cheeks and half-lidded eyes. She can barely see the grey iris. She runs her nails down his back as they move together in a languid manner.

“I feel you, I feel you,” she whimpers quietly in his ear.

“I love you,” is a mantra.

A whine, a moan. Soft little ‘oh’s and 'ah’s.

Her toes curl and everything around her fuzzes except him.

He makes a choked off noise and – oh oh.

He pulls out and nearly collapses on her, a sweaty mess together.

She tangles her fingers with his as they cool. Blanket pulls to cover them both. She turns and nearly lies on him, drawing nonsensical patterns on her chest with her fingers.

He shivers from the slight chill.

She pecks his cheek sleepily but then he turns his head and instead they taste each other on their lips.

She tucks herself as close to him as she can. Then when his breathing evens out she whispers in the moonlight:

 

“Please don’t go.”


	9. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Just call my name? Okay?’ Toni’s sleep thick voice slurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise.

Bucky’s tired.

Tired and dirty and his body is aching.

The sounds of shells going off kept him awake last night.

And the night before.

And so on and so forth.

So the only thing keeping him from passing out where he is, mud up to his knees, is adrenaline.

It might also have to do with a small optimistic part of him that says he can’t die yet.

Either way, he’s focused.

The shots ringing and the screaming of dead men or otherwise are just white noise.

He can’t afford to get distracted. He can’t wonder where the others went.

He has to get home, that small part of him insists.

But he’s getting sluggish with his movements and suddenly there’s this stabbing pain.

The guy, he can’t tell much about him aside from the way an ugly grin is twisting his blood-spattered face, must’ve stabbed him?

It wrecks all of Bucky’s focus, sends him spiralling, as he hits the ground to dodge what must be a finishing blow.

Fuck it hurts. For some reason, he can’t tell exactly where--

How could he be so out of it?

Suddenly the winds’ been knocked out of him, a stomp to his back.

Fuck fuck fuck!

He’s sure he’s going to die but he can’t bear the thought of it.

He’s gotten so far!

Bucky doesn’t know what to do, then the most peculiar thing strikes him in his panic-filled haze.

 

\----

_‘Just call my name? Okay?’ Toni’s sleep thick voice slurs._

_‘What?’ Bucky turns to her where she’s laying on her side._

_‘If you need me if you feel like it’s the end: call my name,' the way she’s slurring should detract from the meaning but there’s an underlying desperation coating her words._

_Bucky gives a weak smile, leans down and kisses her cheek._

_‘I promise,' he murmurs into her sleep warm skin._

\-----

So he calls.

His throat’s raw from dehydration but it doesn’t matter.

“Antonia Evelyn Carbonell,” Bucky gasps as another foot stomps him again.

Then everything starts to quake.


	10. The Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s my girlfriend!” he cries incredulously. 
> 
> Dugan mouths something to himself. 
> 
> Probably along the lines of ‘what the actual fuck’ but Bucky doesn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which toni is a goddamn tank

The blood-spattered man, whoever he is, retreats as soon as the quaking escalates. 

Bucky can’t find the energy to get up but suddenly -- 

“C’mon Barnes we have to go,” Dugan, he thinks it’s Dugan who hefts him up.

“What’s going on?” Bucky asks. 

“Something big, we have to get out of here,” Dugan grunts as he drags Bucky away from the fight. 

The quakes worsen, they both lose their footing and that’s when Bucky sees it. 

“What the fuck--” he practically shrieks. 

It towers over them. Well, not them specifically but, holy shit. Its bones are ebony and they are covered with moss and mud God knows what else. 

The noises it’s making overtake everything else. The bullets the fly and strike it and the grenades and so much else do nothing to it. 

It’s like its whispering is getting inside his ears, he can’t tell what it’s saying and the cacophony wails angrily. 

Something familiar strikes him about it though 

It’s as the creature is using it’s hooked fingers to drag and toss the opposing forces when he realizes who it reminds him of. 

“Toni?” he breathes. 

The whisper is impossibly quiet but it -- her head snaps towards him and Bucky’s frozen. 

Her skeletal appearance doesn’t allow her to emote but he can tell she’s grinning at him. 

Probably smug as hell because only she could pull something like this. 

Some hysterical bubble of joy fills his chest and he can’t help his incredulous laughter. 

“Barnes?” Dugan looks at him like he’s gone insane. 

And maybe he has. 

Because his girlfriend is throwing panicking soldiers away like a toy truck, not to mention she has to be one of the most terrifying things he’s seen. 

“That’s my girlfriend!” he cries incredulously. 

Dugan mouths something to himself. 

Probably along the lines of ‘what the actual fuck’ but Bucky doesn’t care. 

“Go, Toni!” Bucky hollers. 

As others pass by in a frankly reasonable retreat he catches more than one bewildered glance. 

Bucky doesn’t care, he keeps cheering Toni on. 

Even if the buzz in his ears is a continuous headache it doesn’t matter. 

He’s knocked out of his, oh he can’t say what exactly it is, by Dugan. 

“Have you lost it Barnes?” he asks as he drags him up again. 

Bucky has to shrug. Hopefully not but -- 

“Woah! Woah wait!” he weakly protests as Dugan starts herding him away from the action. 

“What?”

“I have to stay?” 

“What?! No way you need medical, because if you seriously think--” 

“It’s just a scratch!” 

“It’s more than that, you’re out of it!” 

“I don’t see why you care so much!” 

Dugan rolls his eyes and they keep arguing and honestly, Dugan has a point but then -- 

“Didn’t think I’d be seeing you so soon,” a dearly missed voice greets from behind. 

Bucky whips around and there she is. 

Grinning wildly and smug is such a look on her he can’t resist. 

Her arms around his neck are warm and comforting. 

“How did you find me?” he asks. 

“You called my name,” she replies as if it’s just that. 

As if it was a small thing and she didn’t just, do that. 

Dugan swears behind him. 

Bucky can hear a few of the stragglers from his unit mutter something about knowing something was up. 

A few errant, “monster fucker”s are thrown around but Bucky once again cannot bring himself to care. 

Because well -- he pulls back to get a good look at Toni, see her perfect eyes and her perfect everything, and God.

“You’re actually here.” 

“Who else was supposed to keep you out of trouble?” 

At that point their reunion could have gone a lot better. 

But Bucky’s starting to feel woozy and he actually passes out. 

So, Dugan was a little more than a little right.


	11. The Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone tries to tug the body --
> 
> Not the body, it's Bucky, he's alive goddamnit -- and she just clutches him closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: character death mention  
> tw: panic attack(?)

He collapses in her arms. It's startling, terrifying because he's dead weight.    


Bucky’s _dead weight_ , and there’s something soaking into her clothes that’s so _familiar_ in how slick but sticky it’ll be--    


Toni starts panicking.    


All she can think is she didn't make it in time.    


All Toni’s seeing is Rhodey’s dead body bloody and raw from the asphalt and--    


Someone tries to tug the body --   


Not _the body_ , it's _Bucky_ , he's alive goddamnit -- and she just clutches him closer.    


“Hey!”    


She can’t speak, if she opens her mouth she might just scream instead. She knows she must look mad.  Hair in disarray and crumpled clothing with a wild look in her eye.    


So, of course, they keep tugging and tugging, their protests are static noise to her until--    


“We can help him!” A guy, with a very noticeable mustache, shouts.    


“What?” Toni murmurs.    


“Just let him go, we can get him to medical and you, well, I know some people, or at least people I know, know someone who can make sure you don’t stand out.”   


“Why do you want to help me?” Toni asks skeptically.    


Mustache man, Toni really doesn’t have time to focus on names, lets out a breath, obviously expecting it.    


“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call Barnes a friend, but you mean a lot to him. And while it definitely wasn’t a losing battle, I think a few of us appreciate the help.”    


The rest of the soldiers give various signs of assent.    


“You can really help him?”    


“Well, not me personally, but the nurses definitely can.”    


“I don’t trust you.”    


“You don’t have to.”    


Which is true. 

“So?” he asks.

“Alright.” 

She lets Bucky go. 

Toni doesn’t know if that was a mistake or not. 

She just knows she feels colder than usual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lil bit of angst, i'm sorry.  
> this is really short but i had to stop it here for a little bit of a timeskip for next chapter


	12. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'How did you become a nurse?’
> 
> 'Your friend helped me out and I have now learnt how to administer morphine’
> 
> 'Neat.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to arttemis for looking over this!
> 
> tw: death in general  
> tw: nightmares

Bucky heals,  _ that's _ the good thing. The way he screams when he wakes up, that is… less good. Although, it isn’t an unusual thing. For the most part, the ones on cots tend to scream when they wake. Whether it be from pain or nightmares Toni can’t be sure. Toni learns this quickly. The friend of a friend of Dugan said Toni would fit in best as a nurse. Toni knows how to stitch and disinfect from countless of Steve and Bucky’s alleyway brawls. While this serves her well the most important thing is that Toni keeps calm. 

 

Keeping calm is most instrumental when it comes to the ones that know their time is near and can feel the grip of death’s hand around their throats. Of the ones Toni has seen she cannot for the life of her determine which hurt the most. The young ones who burn so brightly like a fire that can't seem to get enough oxygen to sustain itself? Or the resigned who wait with not absolute acceptance but with their jaw and brow set in grim regret? 

 

She can't lie and say she doesn't fumble.

 

The most horrifying thing, if even that, is that Toni hasn't been there long. Not by a long shot, but she's seen all of this. Still, Toni holds hands, changes bandages and the like. She has to. 

 

Unfortunately, that leaves little time for talk. Sure, Toni’s there when Bucky wakes up but she can't stay for long. The most time she has is when she goes to check on him and those moments are fleeting. The longest conversation they've had could be summed up to: 

 

_ 'How did you become a nurse?’ _

 

_ 'Your friend helped me out and I have now learnt how to administer morphine’ _

 

_ 'Neat.’ _

 

And that was that. 

 

Toni is not complaining by any stretch of the imagination! She has a chance to help those in need even if there's a string in her mind tugging her back home.

 

An insistent little string that she would  _ cut off _ if it were possible.

 

A part of Toni hates promises. Hates them for being  _ binding assholes _ . 

 

Usually, she can ignore the feeling but its whispering encroaches her every waking thought at night. It’s almost as if she can feel a body’s weight on her chest when it’s impatient. 

 

_ ‘Go back home.’ _

 

_ ‘It isn’t safe here, it’s safe at home. You should go.’  _

 

_ ‘I didn’t die for this.’ _

 

Toni has a hard time falling asleep most nights. Nothing that can impact her work, it isn’t as if she really needs it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about how short this chapter is! it's a transition one


	13. Show Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s not much else to say, because, unless his arm got infected and Bucky’s dreaming this up - just - what the fuck. He shoves his way through the throng of equally pissed off soldiers and gets up on the stage, honest to fucking God. 
> 
> “I thought you were shorter?” Bucky finds himself inexplicably asking. 
> 
> Steve looks sort of terrified, the embarrassed kind, and Bucky can’t blame him cause he looks ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of crack to lighten the mood.

Bruised ribs are the worst, internal bleeding is a goddamn hassle, and a slash to the forearm the fucking cherry on top of the pain sundae. Also, Bucky hates Italy, officially. At least Umbria, Italy. Sure, he’s got canvas as a roof over his head but that does not stop Bucky from absolutely loathing the rain.

 

The humidity is _great for his ribs._ Lovely time all around. Especially for the time during which he is kept in a cot which has seen much better days. He wonders if this is what Steve feels, and then completely disregards that thought because Steve is a traitor who hasn’t answered any of his goddamn letters.

 

And if there’s also mild concern over why Steve hasn’t answered any of his letters? As far as anybody else knows, save for Toni who has heard _all of it,_ it doesn’t exist. It fucking doesn’t.

 

The skies are overcast when Bucky and the rest of the 107 are practically herded near a stage of some sort has been set up, so he knows that today is going to be _great._ It would be nice if Toni could get the day off, then he could bitch about whatever is going to happen with her. She’d laugh, he knows.

 

He’s too busy internally complaining to really pay attention to what happens on stage until, a certain, very familiar, voice is heard.

 

“Steve?!” against his better judgment, Bucky calls.

 

Cause it sounds like Steve, but the guy is taller, and also, y’know built like a tank.

 

“Buck?” Steve, _and now he knows it is,_ calls right back.

 

The way he uses the microphone causes awful feedback, which everyone in the crowd groans over.

 

“Fucking?! Shit?”

There’s not much else to say, because, unless his arm got infected and Bucky’s dreaming this up - just - what the fuck. He shoves his way through the throng of equally pissed off soldiers and gets up on the stage, honest to fucking God.

 

“I thought you were shorter?” Bucky finds himself unexplicably asking.

 

Steve looks sort of terrified, the embarrassed kind, and Bucky can’t blame him cause he looks ridiculous.

 

“Ahm.”

 

“Oh my God, what did you do, you dumbass?”

 

Then he has the gall to look offended.

 

“Excuse you?”

 

“Excuse me?! I thought you -- Toni _has to see this_!”

 

“Toni?! Toni’s here _?!_ ”

 

Bucky turns to the guy, a manager of some sort, probably.

 

“Could you excuse him for a second? I just--”

 

The guy nods dumbly and that’s all Bucky really needs. The rest of the crowd is calling for the showgirls to go on so, he guesses they’ll be satisfied.

 

If only he could get _. Steve. To. Move!_ Finally, Steve cooperates, how did he get taller?

 

Where the wounded have been set up is bustling as per always, but Bucky catches sight of Toni easily.

 

“Toni you will not fucking believe this!”

 

“James, what the fuck.”

 

“No, no, just, look! Fucking, Steve!”

 

“What do you mean ‘Steve’? Did he finally--” she whips around, “--muscles? What the hell?”

 

“Guys calm down?”

 

“I will not!” Toni replies vehemently while turning back to a needle(? Bucky thinks it’s a needle), “Where’s the Stevie who was my height, hm?”

 

“Toni--”

 

“No, let her speak,” Bucky interrupts with far too much glee than he should.

 

“I hope you know this means you’re obligated to carry me whenever I please, right?” Toni continues, and yeah, it was a needle, “Now go before you distract me with your-- ‘you’-ness.”

 

“Thought I was supposed to carry you, doll?” Bucky can’t help but tease.

 

“You’ve been replaced, ta-ta,” she waves him off nonchalantly.

 

He rolls his eyes.

 

“I’ll see you after your shift?”

 

“You bet.”

  
Bucky can’t wait to see Stevie’s face when he finds out what type of secret _Toni’s_ keeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, nothing against Umbria, Italy, just a fun gag thing. Since Azzano is either near or in Umbria. I have no clue if humidity is a thing after or before rain there, I was just sticking with what I know from where I am.


	14. Assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She takes a smoke-filled breath, almost choking on the smog and focuses. 
> 
> She imagines the feeling of bone armour, the excruciating growing pains of turning into something Toni has only been once before. 
> 
> The static engulfs her mind, and the imagined turns real with a swell of protective emotion. 
> 
> Her screams burn her hollow throat and ring out into the bloody night.

Toni wakes up to smoke and flames. She sputters spitting what tastes like ash as she rolls out of her cot and onto the rough ground. 

Toni can’t help the body-wracking hacks as she crawls through a small space untouched by burning reds and oranges to the outside of her tent. 

 

It is then she notices the screaming, the cries, the barking orders both in English and otherwise. 

 

There are the pounding feet of nurses in a panic and soldiers charging into the fight, but Toni’s watery eyes won’t let her see it.  

 

She’s nearly trampled from being underfoot. 

 

The night is black, and the flames feeding on the camp reach like little hands for the starless night sky. 

 

A loud voice screams run, screams go, screams for home. For a second Toni contemplates what she can do, but then she thinks of James. 

 

He needs her help.

 

They need help.   

 

Toni can help, she knows it. 

 

She takes a smoke-filled breath, almost choking on the smog and focuses. 

 

She imagines the feeling of bone armour, the excruciating growing pains of turning into something Toni has only been once before. 

 

The static engulfs her mind, and the imagined turns real with a swell of protective emotion. 

 

Her screams burn her hollow throat and ring out into the bloody night. 

 

Toni can barely see through the thick plumes of smoke, and her navigation skills are shoddy in the unforgiving makeshift battlefield. 

 

In a distant corner of her mind, Toni hysterically worries she might step on somebody.  

 

Carefully, while under constant assault (of grenades, bullets and gods knows what else) Toni lowers her body so she can see under the thick cover of smog.

 

Firelight illuminates soldier uniforms and, Toni can barely make out the damning armbands. 

 

She still finds them, and those who fight with them. She makes them fall. The ones who recover flee. 

 

Enemy numbers are smaller than they were before, as exhaustion slowly crawls up her boney spine Toni thinks the night is won. 

 

Her tight grip loosens, for a moment vertigo seizes her as she goes. 

 

Down. 

 

_ Down.  _

 

**_Down._ **

 

Relief dunks Toni's system in its waves as she clutches ashy dirt in her hands. 

 

It's almost quiet as higher-ups bark commands to recover bodies, to pack what's necessary because they have to move. 

 

"I'm alright," Toni groans as a nurse, (Dot, she thinks) rushes to her side.  

 

"Did you see that?!" Dot exclaims as she hefts Toni onto her feet. 

 

"Oh, yeah, absolutely terrifying," Toni mumbles.

 

"What do you think it was?" 

 

Toni barely has the time to swallow a cranky retort when the shells go off far too close for comfort.  

 

"Fuck." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus this sure has been a long fuckin break. god. school is over but at what cost? i'll be there next september. this chapter has been a struggle my friends let me tell you. i got like eight drafts of this baby in my drive, almost all of them from different perspectives, some even start earlier than this. but this is the one that worked. ahhhh. also please forgive my lack of military knowledge. im canadian and although my family has a military history i know jack shit. just that my mom's uncle, and his dad, and my mom's mom's dad etc. etc.   
> love you babs   
> and the flow is returning i think so be prepared for more.   
> hope i havent disappointed.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr, check out my dashboard if you want to read ahead (or to check out my other aus). Hope you liked it! Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


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